We had a scare last week. Which is why I have not written much on my blog. I guess I was just holding my breath. We had an amazing weekend in Atlanta two weeks ago. Our teams did great and a bunch of Team Greco kids won their brackets. We were on an extreme high!!! So happy that all of the hard work we have put in for Team Greco was starting to pay off.
On our way to Atlanta, I got a call from the hospital letting me know our MRI needed to be rescheduled. It had been set for the day we returned from our trip. What a pain!!! I had to scramble to get on a waiting list for other hospitals that cater to pediatrics for MRI's with sedation!!! So in the middle of our very busy weekend, I am also on the phone with our oncologist and a number of hospitals pressing to get this MRI before January 1st.
Long story short, I was able to get it on New Year's Eve. Totally expecting wonderful news. So we spent a few hours at another hospital, in a different machine, with a different radiologist still expecting great results. New Year's Eve means everybody is getting off work early, so I contacted the oncologist to let her know we had completed the MRI, so if possible I would love to get the results ASAP.
It did not take long and she emailed the results that were read by the radiologist...........
..........Tumor is very slightly larger........
I did not read the rest. I was dumbfounded. Everything went completely silent. My mother in law was with me in the car and I told her what the email said. We stared out the window in complete silence. Nothing to say.
That day was a quiet one, as a family we disconnected from the world. I sent a few texts to my prayer warriors and then all phones were turned off. How can we go from such an extreme thrill to such an extreme low in such a short time? Everything just seemed to stop. The weather reflected our emotions. The day was cold and rainy and windy. The grass was dead, the leaves were falling and the sun would not come out. I sat in our room staring out the window to a world that reflected how I was feeling inside. Everything seemed so eerily silent. Other than the constant sound of the raking of Lego's across the table, I heard nothing. Kids were playing, but the silence was so loud. I felt so alone.
"Doubt is the soil in which Fear grows"
Was I doubting, was I scared? Yes, I am only human, this is my baby, I don't want to go through this. Desperate prayers were prayed. Prayer chains started. I hated to tell anyone this horrible news when they should be staying up till midnight, celebrating the New Year. But doubt and fear don't use a calendar. Time had stopped for us. Again.